The Moral Authority to Lead

Its been a strange week in Perth, especially for leaders. Colin Barnett, five weeks ago getting ready to retire, is now Premier. Alan Carpenter, who lost the unloseable election, is now out of a job.

Certainly there have been plenty of challengers for leaders.

It was in this atmosphere that I found myself at a UBAS meeting on Friday night. UBAS – University Burger Appreciation Society – was meeting to consider the merits of the Hungry Jacks Quad Stacker burger, a burger with four patties of beef and four slices of cheese. As its founder and president I had the heavy burden of leading the meeting.

If nothing else, leadership is about moral authority. One cannot lead or command respect if one does not set an imperious example.

My authority has been directly threatened in the email banter leading up to the UBAS meeting, with other members mocking my ability to demolish burgers, now that I have lost a bit of weight. Our society has a token "Thin Rep" already (who can still put away burgers), so there is no room in the society for a leader who not only lacks girth but, because he cannot effectively manage a mere 1000-calorie burger, lacks gravitas also.

Add to that, on Thursday I got a horrible toothache (an infected wisdom tooth I've just removed). It made it very painful to chew, and, like most men, if I can't masticate I can't enjoy myself. I knew UBAS would not accept such an excuse though. I was in trouble. In fact, I was a man under siege.

Friday night at Hungry Jacks Subiaco, I walked in and was openly mocked as a Thin Rep. It was like a flashback to a primary school playground, and the taunting was just as cutting. This must be how Brendon Nelson feels.

But, as Keyser Soze said, if you want power all you need is the will to do what the other guy won't. And in his words, it was time to show these men of will what true will really was.

I was second to order. The first was Peebs, who ordered the Aussie Burger with three extra patties he'd been talking about all week. Before his order came through I stepped up to the plate, so to speak.

I ordered a Quad Stacker Burger and an "Aussie Quad" like Peebs, with a large chips and a Diet Coke (coz I'm still watching my weight). Peebs did a double take, but by the time he had sat down I'd already knocked off my "entrée" Quad Stacker.

After demolishing 8 patties in two buns and a not-insignificant amount of beetroot, I followed it up with a "classic Whopper" and a chocolate sundae.

It was supposed to be all over then, but on counting the number of patties consumed by all of us we found ourselves on 97 patties. Emmanuel, another member of the UBAS executive, realized he had not been served one of his burgers and soon corrected that. He and I went halves in his burger, while the other half of the executive, Collo and Chopper, went halves in a double. That made it 100 patties between us (there were about 20 of us).

And so it was that, after entering the restaurant the subject of ridicule, I emerged commanding a quiet reverence at my performance of 9 ½ patties, more than anyone else that night.

I got my respect back, at the expense of my self-respect.

Other things I should mention there are:

- Chop ordered a 5-pattie Whopper. The HJs staff took pictures of it as they put it together

- Emmanuel was good enough to wnder around the store offering bacon to members

- Afterwards we headed to the Worst Pub In Subiaco. I had one and a half drinks and then had to leave as I was feeling sick. I actually had a fever from eating – one too many Hot Beef Injections methinks. But I kept it all down.

- I went home and drank black tea

- The following day I had KFC for lunch